Conflict Resolutions.

In every relationship there will eventually arise a conflict. There are many things to remember in a conflict but usually it is difficult to remember them. This is because emotions are usually high. Conflicts should not be viewed as negative experiences. Conflicts are great opportunities for learning and growth of the relationship. The stronger the emotions involve the greater the opportunity for learning about the people involved in the conflict. The more hopeless a resolution seems the greater the opportunity for creative resolutions.

The main question to ask is: “What causes me to have such strong reactions?” “When/why and with whom does it frequently happen?”

The main thing that will allow or insure a resolution to occur is for both or all parties sincerely desires to reach a win/win solution, without needing to prove right or wrong. This is a time to ignore judgment, blame and defensiveness and open up the possibility for a creative solution and finding new ways to respond, instead of react. This is the time to be inquisitive, curious, courageous and even playful.

Conflict happen because all people’s perceptions of reality can be very different. In friendships and romantic relationships people’s expectations can vary greatly. We need to recognize that the other person believes as strongly as we do about their opinions and expectations. Also all parties should acknowledge that each person’s perspective, are all equally valid.

Conflicts and misunderstandings are very easy today in the Internet world were people communicate in text only. Slightly critical statements can appear to be rude when the person typing may not be trying to be rude.

Calm communication and a desire to resolve conflicts are critical so we can hear and respect each person’s perspective, and discuss all views and come to an agreement that is beneficial to all parties.

Bobby Burcham

Your most important relationship.

The most important relationship in your live is the one you have with your inner self.

You may not be aware of this but you cannot be successful in any relationship with anyone else if you do not have an honest and healthy relationship with your inner self.

If you lie to your self you will eventually and inevitably lie to others. If you abuse or neglect yourself you will also abuse and neglect others. I you do not understand your self you cannot hope to understand others. You must introspect your needs, your desires, your feelings, liabilities, assets and your rights and make honest appraisals.

To love others and expect love from others you must first love and respect your self.

People become worried or enraged because someone else has abused some innocent person and yet they are guilty of doing similar things to themselves. We must accept our faults and realize that we can’t always do what we feel we need to do because we feel overwhelmed by the tasks or problems that are before us.
We must have patience with others and ourselves because we all have limitations. And we can only help others or ourselves by gaining the strength to do over come these limits.

Beginning a healthy relationship.

The most important thing to remember in forming healthy relationships is to remember to accept people just as they are and not trying to change them. If you decide that you cannot tolerate someone as they are it is better to just avoid them altogether if at all possible.

The second most important thing is efficient communication. This means when they are talking listen closely. Think before giving advice or disagreeing. If you think of something to say or ask while they are talking make sure you don’t interrupt. If something they say isn’t clear ask them to explain and don’t assume things they may not mean. It is better to let them explain.

Communication is listening as well as talking. Share experiences but try to stay on the same subject. They need to know you have heard them and understood. Your responses will prove you are a good listener, or not.

Another point that is very important is to speak from your perspective. Be very careful when starting statements with “You”. You will nearly always sound critical or even controlling. Don’t speak as a tyrant or “know-it-all”. Put your self on their level not below, it’s called false modesty, and not above, this is didactic, or the teacher attitude. People normally feel more comfortable with people who treat them as equals regardless of position, sex or age.